doing the fucking dishes

I did my dishes thinking
you would come
you didn’t

I’m having trouble accepting
me sleeping
once more
with Ella and ella the uke
is the best for me and all of us

I’m having trouble thinking
trouble thinking
thinking

I’m all alone and I’m happy I did
my dishes
and washed my clothes

I’m having trouble
getting past the fact
that people around me are suffering
that they see me full of gusto
That they might hate me for it.

Daddy, please be happy
Daddy, please have enough energy to last forever
and see me happy
And spoil the kids
The ones I feel right now
will never be born
Because I washed my dishes
And nobody came see
my clean dishes.

(The worst part was not doing the dishes
It was washing the dishes thinking of this
man bending me over the kitchen table
and not enjoying
just doing the fucking
dishes)

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