Joca

My grandpa Joca killed himself
Nobody ever called him Joca but I have this fantasy I’ll name my kid João Carlos
And call him Joca
He had one extra tooth and also the same cyst I have at the end of my buttcrack
Apparently he was schizophrenic but it was the seventies so who really knows
Apparently he was handsome and liked to play volleyball

He took a shot to his temple
People say it’s a dumb way to kill oneself and it may not work
But he totally did die that way

What was he thinking, the poor man?
“the world is crumbling around me
I’ll lose my baby girl”

Suicidal people are the only ones that think I’d rather die and mean it
I’d rather die, I’d rather die
I’d rather die, I’d rather die
but then they don’t mean anything
because they are now dead.

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